You Might Be Gaining Weight If …

Yes, it’s January … the time of year that many people check in with themselves on how they are doing in many aspects of their lives- from levels of happiness to financial responsibility … and weight. So here’s a little checklist I’ve made for you to take stock of your own body. My personal experience may or may not have everything to do with the following scenarios.

11. You might be gaining weight if, while contemplating “comfy clothes” in your closet, you reach for your husband’s pajama pants instead of your own sweat pants.

10. You might be gaining weight if you put on a fresh bra from the bottom of the stack that you haven’t worn in at least a month … and realize your shoulder blades seem to have less freedom of movement than they used to.

9. You might be gaining weight if those pj pants of your hubs are tighter than your own pj pants.

8. You might be gaining weight if you just had two snow days and you start tallying the number of Bailey’s Coffees, Hot Chocolates, Cinnamon Rolls, and Glasses of Wine you consumed, but then you give up due to shame and/or forgot how to tally that high.

7. You might be gaining weight if you went to Old Navy before Christmas and bought awesome new jeans with a cool elastic band which seemed like a great idea at the time (because there is no snap or button to poke your shirt out at the roundest part (except for your boobs) of your body! Until it’s January and you realize those deceiving bastard jeans allow for too much wiggle room in the pounds department.

6. You might be gaining weight if you have not been to the gym or exercised in so many days that you can’t count them up.

5. You might be gaining weight if, while cheering on your friend running a Disney Marathon, you slept in, enjoyed ALL the tasty treats including the most awesomest Bailey’s Hot Chocolate in the Galaxy, Norwegian Schoolbread accompanied by Scandanavian Beer, with a breakfast of churros and a Margarita … with fried pimento cheese with red pepper jelly sauce and beer(s) for dinner. Oh, and red beans – you gotta have some fiber, right?!

4. You might be gaining weight if you begin to recall all those lovely gingerbread men whose heads (and let’s face it, you came back to finish off the whole thing five minutes later) you dunked in your coffee, savored the molasses sweetness swimming around your taste buds and gobbled with sheer satisfaction. And again the tally count calls for an abacus or an Excel spreadsheet.

3. You might be gaining weight if you planned to eat a dozen gingerbread men, planned to start the year off on the right foot on January 2nd (who starts food resolutions on January 1st?! Ever heard of football snacks?!) but suddenly realize it’s ten days till February and had one successful day of 2018 on the “right foot.”

2. You might be gaining weight if you feel winded after singing “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” to preschoolers.

1. You might be gaining weight if you are still wearing your hubs’ pj pants, they definitely feel tighter than your own comfy pants, and you are about to switch into your Old Navy elastic jeans for relief.

BUT when you step on the scale and you squint to determine if that big number really is what you think it is, don’t worry! Scales can be wrong. All the time! And muscle weighs more than fat. And water weight fluctuates daily. And when you weigh yourself after your shower, your wet hair adds A LOT. But … if your scale is “off” for several weeks … then you might want to review 1-11 above.

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