4. Driving for six hours in your car without your children is as good as meditating. On Friday morning I woke up, rolled my suitcase to the mudroom, and lingered in the kitchen waiting on Sammy to finish breakfast so I could braid her hair. Knowing that this was my only task to serve others for the day made all kinds of random lolly-gaging thoughts run through my mind and out my mouth – “you think we put the sand box in the right place?” I found myself asking my husband while he quickly scurried from backpack to pantry to backpack loading school snacks. I just watched and sipped my coffee. It was glorious.
Eventually I was on the road at exactly the time I planned to be on the road. I turned on the radio which I don’t always do since my alone time in the car is usually my brief dose of tranquility. I switched my music as the scenery changed. A little Pit Bull to get the road trip started; a little country as I zoomed past fields, farms, and pecan orchards. I let myself daydream. Suddenly I spied Neil Diamond at the Taco Bar in Seaside. Of course I couldn’t blow his cover so I cleverly used a line of one of his songs to let him know I knew what’s up. Then I was at my favorite breakfast spot indulging in praline bacon and a bloody mary without worrying about kids’ orders or shushing them when they didn’t get the seat they wanted. Oh yes, I was envisioning a beautiful weekend for sure.
3.Farts. Those guys who sit around the poker table telling jokes regarding bathroom humor may feel ashamed for their sophomoric ways, but little do they know how much (some) women talk about farts! Ok maybe it’s just me. My friends are far too classy to talk about farts. But know what feels good? Sitting on the same sofa as friend, “accidentally” passing some wind and comfortable enough to either let it go stealth or take on the wrath of your friends if it gained too much power. Yes, boys, even girls like to feel like they are still in fourth grade from time to time. Fart and laugh. It is so freeing.
We may have even made up a new number for the “old number 3,” diarrhea. When you are sitting around a pool sipping on tasty cocktails that go to your head and suddenly realize that Pool Rule number 7 states: No Swimming if experiencing diarrhea. OMG, why is this a rule?! Yes, people, please come bathe in a shared body of water if at any second liquid poop could suddenly come flying out of your butt! Ain’t nobody got time for pink eye or the stomach bug from your wrongful shit! Well, like I said, it was funny under the influence of strawberry vodka. Go have a couple drinks and re-read those last lines if it wasn’t funny. Nobody is watching you read this, so it’s ok to laugh on the inside. Anyways, PSA: keep those number 7s at home.
2.The Truth. The truth is I love my family, but oh my goodness does it feel good to love them from 400 miles away. When I talk to my kids when I am far away, I hear their sweet little voices saying things in one breath like, “Oh! We went to Puglix, boughted pizza dough, and now we’re on the way home to make pizza wif Daddy! Oh! And I got a sugar cookie, but Sammy got a chocolate chip cookie!” And the other one filled me in on her correspondence with the Tooth Fairy. “Mommy, Pearl broke her wing in the lightning storm! I made her a sling and a get well card.” This part I already knew because my husband had previously called and made me aware of our daughter’s long unanswered (three nights) letter to Pearl, the Tooth Fairy. The broken wing was my idea since that answered the question of the delay. The good news was, here I am at the beach where I can go to bed when I very well please while the hubs has to make sure that Sammy gets to sleep and he does not go to sleep before that letter gets delivered!
I have to admit I had grand ideas of getting things done before I left: laundry of both kids, my laundry, clean the playroom, and organize the garage. What actually got done was: putting away a few Barbies, cleaning up some cat throw-up, and having a bad case of Number 7 which threatened my ability to get away on my girls’ trip. Thank goodness I recovered. I dreaded the thought of the cleaning lady coming for Mopping Day with all those chores left undone. From talking on the phone with the hubs I learned that he and the girls managed to get the house prepped. “How?” I asked. “Encouragement!” he replied in a sickeningly peppy tone. “And I told them they couldn’t go to the roller skating party unless they got it done.” Ah-ha! A threat. Yes, the truth is threats work.
1.VACATION. What is vacation? A get-away? A new location? New scenery? What does vacation feel like? Now that is the real question. Last fall I went on a one-night vacation with a girl friend to a cabin that was no more than three miles from my house! It was fresh scenery but also it felt completely relaxing. We sat outside by a fire and talked for hours uninterrupted! Getting a full thought out of your head without being interrupted – now that’s vacation!
Today feels extra vacation-y because my sister and her friends have already headed back to work. So it feels like I am on real vacation when it is supposed to be a work day. Originally I had planned to return home on Monday as well. But a while back during the week that my daughter had the flu, I was dying for a vacation, and convinced myself to add a vacation day at the end of Girls’ Weekend. So while they are making their drive today, I get to enjoy one more day of doing anything I want when I want, without having to meet other people’s needs. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I could fall asleep just thinking about it. And after a big lunch maybe I will.